So, every time I get up from my spot on the couch something or somethings furry immediately occupies it.
Me: That's MY seat! Move over.
Dog: But I'm cold and I've already curled up under my blankie!
Me: That's MY blankie you dummy. Now move!
Cat: You tell her, Mom. Stupid dog! (licks his privates)
Me: You stay out of it. And by the way, you're going to have to move, too!
Dog: Shut up, Cat, or I'll bite your tail. Mom, I'm COLD.
Me: I don't care! Move over or I'm going to call Animal Control.
Cat: Oh, lighten up. It's just a couch. You can sit in the middle, see? (As he curls up on top of the dog under the blanket in MY SEAT.)
Me: Dammit, I said MOVE!
Dog: Cat, get off me!
Me: THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE. I will give you both to the Asian restaurant down the street, I swear I will!
Cat: (licking his privates again) Well, at least then you won't eat there any more. You don't need to sit on the couch. You need to get some exercise - you're fat, y'know.
Me: OK, husband, get up. YOU fight with them for a change!
Husband: No. This is my seat!
Some days I just can't win.