Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

December 23, 2012

Diagnosis: Unipolar Disorder

Unable to attribute.
Occationally I'll put up a post that has nothing to do with market gardening or hobby farming.  Today I want to talk about my personal experience with mental illness to help a dear friend (we call each other "Bro" and "Sis") who has just been diagnosed with Unipolar Disorder.

The "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders (DSM) 4th ed." is the reference book used by mental health workers to diagnose mental illness.  (The book itself isn't online but there's a good "Cliff Notes" version at Allpsych.com.  That link goes to the page on "Great Depression", aka Unipolar disorder.)

There can be overlap with mood disorders, and often a person is diagnosed with co-morbidities (other disorders as well).  For example, I'm Bipolar and I also suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder.


Brief Description of Unipolar Disorder

Symptoms

According to the summary of Unipolar Disorder at iFred.com (International Foundation for Research and Education on Depression), the symptoms include:
  • Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
  • Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
  • Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
  • Decreased energy, fatigue, being “slowed down”
  • Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
  • Trouble sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
  • Appetite and/or weight changes
  • Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • Restlessness, irritability
  • Persistent physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain, which do not respond to routine treatment.

Author's Comment: With no disrespect intended,  in my experience males are not in touch with their feelings.  A mood disorder is about feelings: anger, sadness, etc.  Coping with a mental illness requires in-depth scrutiny of all your feelings, not just the ones described in the symptoms.  I'll get to this later.


Treatment

Treatment can either combine both pharmacotherapy [medications] and psychotherapy or utilize one or the other individually.

Psychotherapy is useful in helping the patient understand the factors involved in either creating or exacerbating the depressive symptomotology. Personal factors may include a history of abuse (physical, emotional, and/or sexual), maladaptive coping skills. Environmental factors involved in this disorder include, among others, a poor social support system and difficulties related to finances or employment.

Author's Comment:  Medication will be prescribed. I've never been in treatment without them. 


Prognosis

Major Depressive Disorder [aka Unipolar] has a better prognosis than other mood disorders in that medication and therapy have been very successful in alleviating symptomotology. However, many people with this disorder find that it can be episodic, in that periodic stressors can bring back symptoms. In this case, it is often helpful to have an ongoing relationship with a mental health professional just as you would a physician if you had diabetes or high blood pressure.

My friend hasn't given me the details - says he'll know more after next month.  So I want to help him get off on the right foot with a bit of advice from someone who's been in his shoes.


  • Develop a close relationship with your care provider.  If you aren't comfortable with him/her and can do something about it - shop around.  It's absolutely essential that you develop a good working relationship.  Be sure you find someone who doesn't arbitrarily dismiss your concerns, someone without the "God complex" so many healthcare professionals possess.  Note:  frequently your care will be managed by an ARNP under the supervision of a psychiatrist.  This is fine.
  • Build a support network.  This includes joining online support groups - you'll have to shop around to find one that meets your needs - and in the beginning at least, I recommend going to group meetings.  A good place to find a group in your area is the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsa.org).   It's also critical that you get your nearest and dearest educated and on board with helping you manage your disorder.  (But be aware that some people just don't want to deal with it.)
  • Be prepared to spend large amounts of time managing your illness.  This includes studying the disorder until you know everything you can find about it. In my experience you can't just sit back and let the provider manage your care - you have to be proactive. You'll also need to spend time scrutinizing your moods and of course, working at getting better. 
  • Learn how to identify your emotions.  If you use this chart and pair it with the below mood diary, you're well on your way.
  • Look for "triggers".  A trigger is just what it sounds like - anything that deepens your depression.  A mood journal is a good way to identify your triggers.  I like this Mood diary.  It's short and sweet.  And if you look around, there are mood charting apps for your phone.
  • Do not believe anyone who thinks that your disorder can be cured by "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" or is the result of laziness or lack of self-discipline. You have a legitimate illness.  Would those people say the same things to, for example, a cancer patient??  Just ignore them.  Ditto the people who think your illness is somehow contagious...  You'll need to decide if it's worth your time to try to educate these people or just write them off.
  • Take your medications exactly as prescribed.  Psych medications are touchy things; you have to build up a suitable level in your body in order for them to work properly.  When trying a new drug or drug combo, ask the doctor how long you should give them to work.  Take notes about any side effects, no matter how insignificant they are to you.  And make sure you know what serious side effects can crop up.  Some can be life-threatening.
  • Be patient with the "Medication Roller Coaster".  You'll have to try several meds/combinations to find the one that works for you.  The process can take years (but hopefully it won't.)  The roller coaster effect can be distressing and disheartening.  Some meds will make you worse and some won't help at all.  Because everyone's brain chemistry is different, trial-and-error is the only way to find out what works.  The roller coaster can be very hairy, but stay with it - the right drug/combination will eventually be found.
  • Get enough exercise.  Exercise alone is a mood elevator.  You can find a plan that works for you on the internet.  I find just walking for a while every day helps.
  • Avoid as much stress as you can.  Remember that good things can be stressful, too - like a promotion at work.  Hand off stressful chores and responsibilities to your spouse and/or friends if they're willing.  If you hate your job, try to change careers (that's very stressful at first but enjoying your job makes up for it in the long run.)
  • Do things that give you pleasure even if you don't feel like getting started.  Sometimes it's impossible to overcome the lethargy of depression, but if you can possibly make yourself do fun things the better off you'll be.  Sometimes I find that if I can just get moving, I can carry through.
  • Be patient and compassionate with yourself.  Try to avoid regret, guilt and beating yourself up.  AA members call this "stinking thinking", and it's just as true for those of us with mood disorders. They make things worse.
  • Learn to live in the moment.  Worrying about the future and/or thinking about the past is counterproductive.  Pay attention to what you're doing at every- moment - google "mindfulness" and you'll get the idea.  Most of us are so busy that we spend too much time living in the future, or regretting the past.
  • A Word of Caution.  Carefully evaluate what you find on the internet.  Sadly, there's a lot of misinformation out there.  Your provider can help you sort out the chaff.

Living with Unipolar Disorder is a struggle and the above list is just the tip of the iceberg.  But never give up.  Ever.  Even Pandora's Box had something wonderful in it:  Hope.






August 13, 2009

About Mental Illness

To preface, let me say that I have Bipolar Disorder. It's a mental illness, also known as "manic-depression". Here are some common misconceptions I've run into when telling people I have a mental illness:
  • Having a mental illness does not mean I'm crazy. In the world of psychiatry, "crazy" has no meaning.
  • Mental illness is not contagious.
  • Just because I'm mentally ill does not mean I'm retarded. My IQ is 154, well into the genius range.
  • Mental illness is a legitimate disease. I'm not faking, lazy, or lacking in self-discipline. "Pulling myself up by my bootstraps" is not an option.
Here are some things that upset me:
  • I don't want or need pity. Sympathy & understanding, yes - pity, no.
  • Sometimes I need your help, sometimes I don't. Let me be the judge of that.
  • Yes, I take medications. No, they don't make me stupid. Drowsy, maybe, but not stupid.
Here is some information that you might find helpful when interacting with a mentally ill person:
  • Living with mental illness makes life a daily struggle. Please forgive me if I don't always live up to your expectations - it's not because I don't want to, it's because I simply can't.
  • Practice compassion. Try to put yourself in my place.
  • Learn what kind of help I need, and provide it to the best of your ability.
  • Listen carefully. Sometimes it's difficult for me to communicate.
  • Before you criticize me for my failings ask yourself "Would I say this to someone who has cancer?"
And finally, here are some tips for those of us with a mental illness:
  • Learn everything you can about your disease and try to get those who love you to do the same.
  • Take your medications as directed and know what side effects to look for.
  • Be patient when it comes to finding the right medication combination. It took me six years to find one that works, and there are no guarantees that this combination will continue to work in the future. Try to accept this as part of your illness and use hope to combat the frustration.
  • Depending on your illness, just accept the fact that you will probably be on medication for the rest of your life. This fact can come in handy if your doctor doesn't want to prescribe something just because it's addictive. If s/he thinks it will help, push for it to be prescribed.
  • Be completely honest with your doctor and/or therapist.
  • If something about your treatment doesn't seem right or isn't working, ask questions. If you're still not satisfied, find another doctor or therapist.
  • Be accepting, forgiving and patient with yourself.
  • Realize that living with you can be a trial and go easy on your loved ones. It will take them some time to get used to your illness.
  • Don't be afraid or too proud to ask for help from those around you.
  • And finally, don't ever give up. It may take work, but you can find the right treatment(s) that will allow you to function at a level you find acceptable.
Any other comments on mental illness? I'd love to read them.


July 25, 2009

Cockadoodle Bleak

" 'Cockadoodles?' " 11-year-old Katie said incredulously. "Why do you call them that?"
"Because it's silly," I replied. "And even grown-ups need some silliness."

I was referring, of course, to our six half-grown chickens. I had been calling them "The Girls" but when Samantha turned into Samuel and started crowing, I had to find something else. "Cockadoodles" just jumped into my mind. Plus, the evolution of Sam's crow is just too silly to believe. It started out as a sort of scream; a cross between a screech and a squeaky door hinge with a bit of throat-clearing thrown in. Now it has progressed to a hoarse "Rrr-RRR" or the "cock-a" part of "cock-a-doodle-doo". Even the next door neighbor, near whose bedroom window our chicken coop is, thinks it's hilarious. She has promised me that if Sam's crowing ever bothers her she will let me know. Sam's attempts also provoke the neighbor's rooster into answering, and I swear I can hear that bird laughing at Sam. He throws a hiccup into the middle of his normal crow.

It's my first attempt at keeping chickens, and I want to enjoy the hilarity of Sam's progress. But I've sunk into what my doctor calls a "depressive episode." It's the bottoming-out part of being on the bipolar roller coaster. When I'm on the downside I live in a peculiar state: part paralyzing anxiety, part utter boredom and part complete hopelessness. It's disorienting and frustrating as hell. Intellectually I know that this bizarre state is transient. These episodes pass, just as my manic episodes do. But in the midst of one it's impossible to believe that in my heart.

The depression leaches all of the color out of my world. Literally: when I see pictures in my mind during this kind of episode they're in black and white, like old movies. And I see the things around me as just objects, unable to see the beauty in the details. My miniature horse becomes just a small animal, his delightful personality masked by the filter of my depression. My husband's smile is like a snapshot of a stranger; it evokes no gladness in my heart. All I see when I look at the baby squash in the garden is all the work ahead of me - canning, freezing, etc.

A lot of people think of depression as "the blues", but it goes much deeper than that. I don't feel sadness - I feel hardly anything at all except fleeting remorse that I can't function, can't meet the responsibilities I impose on myself and those I owe my loved ones. I seem to be capable of only two emotions: terror (due to the anxiety disorder I have in addition to bipolar) and hopelessness. Other than those I'm completely numb. I simply don't care about anything, even though I want to.

It's a horrible state of mind, one I simply can't cope with. The only way I have of living through it is to engage in escapist behavior. I read a lot, I become obsessive about learning about something new, I play PC games for hours on end. I have to distract my mind, keep myself from brooding, and physical activity just doesn't do it. Whatever I do to escape must involve my mind, and all of my mind at that.

I also eat a lot of chocolate, craving the endorphins it provides. No wonder I'm almost 100 pounds overweight.

I used to self-medicate with marijuana and booze, but the medications I'm on make the booze deadly and I don't have a source for pot right now. I find it very interesting that marijuana helps so much. I can function much better when I'm depressed if I get high. I think because being stoned creates a pleasant state of mind. It sort of overrides the numbness, replacing it with fascination, curiosity and the ability to find humor in the absurd. It brings back parts of me that I like. There's actually some research confirming the benefits of marijuana for bipolar sufferers, but I need to go find that study again before I can quote it.

I've learned in therapy to try to identify the triggers for my mood swings. Two big ones hit me in the last couple of weeks: serious money worries, and grief. Our only credit card got canceled (for bogus reasons, fuck you Chase bank) and I lost one of my cats. She just vanished, seemingly into thin air. The grief was almost unbearable; maybe the depression has its upside since the anguish I was feeling is now gone.

I will probably spend the rest of my life trying to find the right words to describe my state of being when I'm depressed. And when I'm manic. I'm not sure I'll ever find the accuracy I seek, but maybe each description will be a puzzle piece and at the end of my life those pieces will form that picture they say is worth a thousand words.

In the meantime, writing about the downside helps. Not so much now as later, when I'm trying to understand whatever it is I did (or didn't do) when I was depressed. It helps me identify triggers for the mood swings so I can hopefully avoid them or at least be forewarned that the depression/mania is likely. And if I do finally succeed at suicide when I'm depressed, maybe the words I leave behind will help the people I leave behind.

For now, though, I'm not suicidal. Just trying to live through this miserable state of mind, one minute at a time. Thanks for listening.