That's MY Seat!

So, every time I get up from my spot on the couch something or somethings furry immediately occupies it. 

Me: That's MY seat!  Move over.

Dog:  But I'm cold and I've already curled up under my blankie!

Me: That's MY blankie you dummy.  Now move!

Cat:  You tell her, Mom.  Stupid dog! (licks his privates)

Me:  You stay out of it.  And by the way, you're going to have to move, too!

Dog:  Shut up, Cat, or I'll bite your tail.  Mom, I'm COLD.

Me:  I don't care!  Move over or I'm going to call Animal Control.

Cat:  Oh, lighten up. It's just a couch.  You can sit in the middle, see?  (As he curls up on top of the dog under the blanket in MY SEAT.)

Me:  Dammit, I said MOVE!

Cat:  No. 

Dog: Cat, get off me!  

Cat:  No.

Me:  THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.  I will give you both to the Asian restaurant down the street, I swear I will!

Cat:  (licking his privates again) Well, at least then you won't eat there any more.  You don't need to sit on the couch.  You need to get some exercise - you're fat, y'know.

Dog:  (laughing)

Husband:  (laughing)

Me:  OK, husband, get up.  YOU fight with them for a change!

Husband:  No. This is my seat!

Some days I just can't win.